


if i left and it made no sense

by fredesrojo



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex hon your gay is showing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blue Lantern Kara Danvers, F/F, Gen, Green Lantern Alex Danvers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Thinking with portals, don't come here for comic canon either people, don't come here for the science people, everything is better when you have a Krypto, vaguest of hints of AgentReign
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24126691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredesrojo/pseuds/fredesrojo
Summary: Season 5 AU -- instead of Non Nocere, Lena starts thinking with portals. If the Kara Danvers of this Earth had lied about her identity and pretended to be her friend only to play her for a fool, did every Kara do the same?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	1. if you know the places that I've been

**Author's Note:**

> A wildly un-scientific exploration of Lena creating her own dimensional portal to search for alternate versions of Kara Danvers, and the conversations she has with each.
> 
> Vaguely linked to the new Spotify playlist I've created at https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2FZhr9DlitxRUFM9PGHkyE?si=kiuAm3mnSK29KO6euTWhTA  
> with some serious "don't lobotomize Lena's entire identity in season 5" vibes.
> 
> Not even remotely approaching Canon compliant after S4.

**Chasing Portals**

After Lex is gone, Lena firmly boxes up everything from before -- Kara, Supergirl, the DEO, _JamesJackSamReignRubyCadmus_ everything -- and tries to shove it back to the furthest recesses of her mind to be thoroughly ignored and never to be considered again. 

Tries being the operative word, in this situation. Kara tries to reach her daily -- texts, calls, emails, twice tries dropping by the office unnanounced -- but Lena hasn’t yet bothered to hire a new executive assistant to replace Eve and thus mostly manages her own schedule by way of ignoring anything that isn’t a potential investor and sequestering to her labs whenever she isn’t in a business meeting. (She’s not certain but thought she overheard the light snapping of fabric in the wind outside her office balcony late one Friday night. If Super--if _Kara_ was there, she never makes her presence known.)

The problem with going back to the loneliness of understanding that the Luthor name comes with no true friends is how much Lena was used to having Kara and her extended group of friends (family?) within the past couple of years.

She briefly considers moving back to Metropolis, but after checking the weather forecast twice she quickly vetoes that idea out of hand. Not to mention Sam would ask questions that Lena would really rather not answer, and she also doesn’t want to face the other caped hero looming in the periphery of her life any sooner than she absolutely has to. (The abrupt realization that Clark Kent is very likely Superman is shoved violently into the same overworked box in the recesses of her mind, and very determinedly not considered as another reason to avoid Metropolis).

Lena picks up the dusty remains of the Daxamite transmatter portal prototype a month and a half after Lex's death. She has it shielded in another off-books defunct LuthorCorp warehouse lab within three days, and functional a week after that. After a series of carefully orchestrated field tests via drone, Lena starts to pick at the other end of the potential usages she thought of when Rhea originally passed her the plans -- testing and verifying the multiverse theory. 

The thought that the multiverse couldn’t exist was preposterous on an almost hilarious scale, and Lena would bet good money that Kara/Supergirl/the DEO had already confirmed this. (The CatCo news story featuring “The Blur” who appeared and disappeared within a period of a week stood as glaring evidence, at least in her humble opinion. While it was possible that the humanoid male, whomever he was, was an alien, it seemed much more likely that he was an interdimensional traveler.) 

To adjust the transmatter portal energy from looking at shifting something through her dimension’s space to looking at shifting things between dimensional spaces became the new frustrating quandary for Lena to focus all of her energy on. 

Ironically, Lex's watch is what finally gives her the idea to crack the puzzle of shifting energies. Lena spends a harried two weeks running on little sleep and excessive amounts of caffeine and half-hearted prayers to a god she never believed in, until a swirling vortex of multi-colored energy tears into existence at 3 AM on a Saturday night. The rudimentary AI Lena built to help her identify the differences in dimensional energies beeps, and an automated voice rings out in the quiet of her hidden laboratory.

_Alternate dimensional signature detected._

Lena smiles through her absolute exhaustion, and immediately sets the AI to start scanning for identifying markers for each dimension with a series of tiny drones, set to auto-destruct after sending dimensional data back from each portal, and collapses on the couch in her office for a fitful four hours of sleep.

When she rouses with the bright dawn sunlight hours later, Hope has accumulated data on over thirty alternate Earths. Configuring Hope to scan for Kryptonian DNA matching Kara Danvers is a simple enough exercise after that, and Lena sets Hope to begin the search.


	2. if you knew the damage i did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild Red Daughter appears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only person the CW did more dirty than Lena is Red Daughter, and no I am not accepting criticism at this time.

**Red Daughter -- Earth 83**

The first Kara she finds has the closest genetic match that Hope can find across the universes -- 95.97 repeating percentage match. When the portal activates and this version of Kara appears, Lena understands why.

"Red Daughter."

The cloned Kara's mouth flickers into an unsure half-smile. Her voice when she speaks is still lightly accented -- knowing now that Lena must have run into her at some point during Kara's "trip to visit her cousin", it seems all the more obvious. "Lena." She fidgets nervously with the sleeve of her outfit, a fitted black sweatsuit reminiscent of what Alex and the other agents at the DEO wear. "I am -- I mean, I go by Linda, now."

"Linda, then." Lena nods, gesturing to the hapazard seating area she has set up off to the side. "Please, have a seat." 

Linda hesitates then moves slowly to the seat. "...You do not seem surprised that I am alive."

Lena shrugs. "If trans-dimensional travel is possible, your supposed death and miraculous recovery doesn't seem hard to get past. But I'll admit I am curious -- how did you survive?"

Linda's brow crinkles. "I am not quite sure -- the last thing I remember was jumping in front of Supergirl to protect her from Lex. I closed my eyes and I woke up to a strange man wearing armor who called himself the Monitor who told me that while this Earth did not need two Supergirls, there was an Earth that no longer had their version of Supergirl. He asked if I wanted a second chance to truly do good and to help people, without the negative influence of Lex Luthor." She shrugs. "He introduced me to the Alex Danvers of this new world. She is helping to train me with Superwoman."

"Superwoman?"

Linda frowns. "General Astra. She is dead in your universe, if my memories from Supergirl are accurate. Alex Danvers was forced to kill her to save the Martian, shortly before the Myriad event some years ago. On my new Earth, the General took up the mantle of Superwoman as penance after Supergirl died in a Dreamworld created by an alien parasite that one of her former associates used to try and take Supergirl out of the picture." 

The name doesn't strike any recognition for Lena, aside from a vague memory of a news story published by CatCo a couple years back, before Lena moved from Metropolis. "How long has it been since Kara died in your universe?"

If Linda is surprised that Lena knows Supergirl's civilian identity, she doesn't show it. "According to Alex it had been two years, nine months, and twelve days when the Monitor transported me to her Earth." She swallows. "You know that Kara Danvers is Supergirl."

"Yes."

"You are angry."

Lena sighs. "I was angry. Now I'm hurt, which is probably worse."

"Now you are...searching for other versions of Kara? To what aim?"

"I want to know why she wouldn't trust me with her identity. I want to know why she claimed to be my best friend, why she faked it for years just to make a fool of me." The vehemence of her tone surprises Lena herself. She blinks, sitting back against the couch cushions. "...Perhaps I'm still angry."

Linda chuckles. "Speaking as someone who once spent a good deal of time impersonating Kara Danvers recently, she was never 'faking it' like you claim.”

“I don’t --- what do you -- how do you know that?”

Linda smiles, standing from the couch as she walks back over to the transmatter portal controls, giving the panel a cursory glance before activating it correctly. “That, Lena Luthor is not my secret to tell.” She gestures to the portal, a swirling nexus of pale purple and blue energy. “And for what it is worth, I don’t think that this endeavor of yours is going to give you the answers you think you want.”

Lena scoffs. “Where do you think I’ll get those answers, then?”

“Speak to Kara Danvers,” Linda offers, hands resting loosely on her hips in a gesture that reminds Lena rather painfully of both Kara  _ and  _ Supergirl. “Unfortunately for you, I don’t believe any of the rest of us are going to be giving you the answers you seek.” She smiles again. “For your sake and hers, I hope that you soon see what has always been there in front of you.” She turns to step through the portal, and Lena finds herself jerking into motion. 

“Wait!”

“I cannot stay here, Lena,” Linda says gently, gesturing to the portal again. “These types of things are monitored very carefully. As it is, I wouldn’t be surprised if they haven’t already noticed this.”

“I just…” Lena sniffs. “I’m sorry, for what Lex did to you. You were an innocent in all of this, and you were forced into things you shouldn’t have been.”

“Oh, I hardly think I qualify as an innocent. I made my own decisions too, despite many indicators that things were not quite as black and white as Al---as Lex made them seem.” Linda shrugs. “But if it makes you feel better, I accept your apology, although it is not necessary. I am happy on my new Earth, and I have finally found my Alex. Do not worry about me too much.” 

She laughs wetly, blinking back tears. “I’ll probably always worry, even if I’m mad.” 

Linda’s smile widens, her eyes sparkling with laughter in the same way Kara’s do. “I am sure everything will turn out the way it is meant to. Talk to Kara when you are done being mad, and you’ll understand a lot more. Goodbye, Lena.” She moves towards the portal and disappears in a bright flash of light before the portal shuts down.

Lena spends a long time afterwards staring at the empty portal.


	3. i've got soul but i'm not a soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kryptos make everything better.
> 
> Lena's gay is showing.
> 
> Points are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Kara is loosely inspired by Captain Marvel, and also loosely inspired by Comickergirl's version of Kara in the Superboy look -- her suit has pants! And a leather jacket!
> 
> Also Krypto is the best okay bye.

**Kara Zorel + Krypto the Superdog -- Earth 19**

Hope’s second match is nowhere near as high as Linda, but still a decent match for the amount of time Lena allotted for the scan. The portal flashes once before depositing a very… different looking Supergirl. A short, punky haircut more reminiscent of Alex, a supersuit with pants and -- was that a  _ leather jacket? _

Something cold and wet noses at her ear and Lena shrieks, turning to see a fluffy white dog  _ floating in midair. _

The dog pants, clearly unruffled by Lena's surprise _.  _

_ Boof. _

"Well we sure aren't in Kansas anymore, boy." Punky Supergirl gives Lena an appraising once-over. "You kinda look like Lena Luthor but you sure as hell don't dress like her. Where are we?"

"I'm from an alternate version of Ea...sorry, does he have to do that? It's a little unnerving," Lena stutters, edging away from the floating dog.

"Krypto, give her some space bud. This isn't the Lena that likes to give you snagriff treats."

The dog -- Krypto, apparently -- gives Lena a wounded look and floats down until all four paws settle on the ground. He tilts his head and whines.

Lena gives him a very tentative pat on the head. "Er…good boy. Thank you." In the next instant, she finds herself with a wriggling lapful of pleased dog, Krypto's furry head butting up against her stomach as he noses under her hand again.

"He's….yeah, sorry." Punk-Supergirl shrugs. "So why are you portalling random Supergirl's into existence?"

"I……" Lena gives in and settles both hands into the thick fur behind Krypto's ears. It's surprisingly soothing. "I wanted answers to some questions."

"So she didn't tell you, then." 

"--How?" Is she that obvious?

"My Lena was pretty pissed when I told her. Not hard to extrapolate." She shrugs, leather jacket creaking over broad shoulders. "If it weren't for fluffball over there appearing out of the blue I don't know that we'd be talking to each other now."

"Did you trust her?"

"With my life. With Alex's life. It's not a matter of trust. I wanted to keep her as safe as possible." Punk-Kara sighs, fisting her hands on her hips. "And while Lena was rightfully pissed at first, eventually she came to understand that, and I was able to understand how keeping her in the dark made her feel." She squints at Lena, shifting to fold her arms across her chest. "Does she know you know?"

Lena tries to ignore the way her stance reminds her of Kara, instead dropping her focus to the happy dog with his head in her lap. "...No." She sniffs. "I don't think so, anyways."

"You planning on talking to her about it?" 

"I….I wanted to try to get over the hurt first."

"....And you think ghosting her to play with portals asking all of the wrong Supergirls your questions is going to solve everything? Try another one."

Lena hesitates. "Two data points isn't confirmation."

Punk-Kara groans loudly. "Rao, I forgot how frustratingly stubborn you are when you're trying to prove something." 

_ Boof. _

Krypto nudges her still hands pointedly, giving her an absolutely unfair set of puppy eyes. 

Lena groans. "I--I just want to know. If it's always the same."

"Your funeral, Luthor." Punk-Kara sighs, whirling around to take a look at the control panel. "So not that this trip isn't wonderful and enlightening, we were on the way to lunch for gyoza in Japan before you portaled us into an alternate dimension -- care to send us back where we came from? I'm getting hungry."

Lena reluctantly pats Krypto's head one last time, giving him a gentle nudge back towards the other Kara as she re-activates the portal. "I'll think about what you said."

"Don't open too many portals before you finish your experiment. They monitor this kinda stuff."

"They?"

Kara waves her hand carelessly. "Y'know. People. Who do the stuff. Someone's always watching, constant vigilance and all that mess." She watches as Krypto scampers through the portal in a joyful bound, throwing Lena a final smile. "See ya around, Luthor. Don't spend too much time straining that pretty brain. The answer's a lot more obvious than you think." 

Lena watches as she steps through the portal and disappears in a swirl of color. Her gaze drops to her lap, where a scattering of perfectly white fur litters her gray slacks. She carefully stores it in a petri dish and sets Hope to scan for the next universe.


	4. look out to the future, but it tells you nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild Alex Danvers appears!
> 
> Kara's gay is showing. Lena's gay is still a blazing beacon visible from outer space.
> 
> I know next to nothing about Lantern-lore, and could honestly give a f**k if it's accurate -- suffice to say, Kara is a Blue Lantern, Alex is a Green Lantern, everybody's gay, congrats. 
> 
> Vaguest of hints of AgentReign.

The petri dish of dog hair taunts Lena for a day or two before she steels her psyche and goes digging through some of Lex's defunct projects from LuthorCorp, right before his obsession with Superman teetered from "keeping an eye" to "megalomania". Hope has enough processing power to puzzle over the mysteries of cloning and DNA regeneration whilst simultaneously running more scans on the multiverse array, so Lena's not exactly surprised when a result alerts her fairly quickly.  She was not, however, expecting the portal to resolve into two people. Kara is recognizable as ever albeit with a slightly different color scheme -- black and silver and a brighter more electric blue that makes her eyes pop.

"What the fuck?"  Her companion is slightly shorter in a green suit to complement Kara's blue, but the coif of red hair slicked back is enough of an indicator for Lena, green Domino mask notwithstanding. 

Lena blinks. "....Alex?"

Alex glares but eventually relents, lowering the glowing green sword she'd seemingly manifested out of nowhere. "How do you……nevermind. What Earth are we on?"

"I'm not sure, actually."

"You're playing around with interdimensional energy and you don't have an identifying syst---you know what, not the point."

Lena ignores her. "Why is your uniform different?"

Kara smiles, her eyes crinkling at the corners in an achingly familiar gesture. "I'm a member of the Blue Lantern Corps on our Earth. Alex is a Green Lantern."

Blue Lantern? Green Lantern? Corps? Lena's brow furrows in confusion. "Like that weirdo in Coast City who randomly shows up on the news?"

"Do they wear an outfit similar to ours?"

Lena shrugs. "I honestly don't remember. Possibly." 

Kara smiles at Alex’s predictable scoff. “The Lantern Corps are part of a guardian peacekeeping force for the galaxy. Green Lanterns frequently spend time off-planet dealing with other portions of their sector, so it makes sense if your Lantern only shows up sporadically on Earth.”

“Why are you playing with portal tech, Luthor?” Green Lantern Alex seems just as direct as her Earth’s counterpart, arms folded across her chest in an extremely familiar gesture. Lena takes it as a good sign that she has at least allowed her domino mask to fade away.

“I’m searching for answers.”

“About what?”

“I…” Lena sighs, meeting Kara’s eyes. “You’re still from Krypton, correct?”

Kara nods. “Your Kara didn’t tell you, did she.”

She shakes her head. “....Lex did. After I shot him in the chest.”

Neither Kara nor Alex seems particularly surprised by her admission of fratricide. Alex scrubs a hand through her hair, sighing exasperatedly at Kara. “Why is it that on every Rao-blessed Earth we end up on, your counterpart is oblivious as hell?”

Kara, for her part, looks offended. “I’m not--”

“It literally took Luthor throwing herself off of a balcony in  _ lingerie _ , you hopeless Kryptonian.”

Lena chokes. “You---wait, you’re together? With your Earth’s Lena Luthor?”

Kara flushes bright red. “We’ve been together for about six months now.” She glares at Alex. “Although I resent the implication that  _ I’m _ the biggest gay disaster in the family.”

“I didn’t--”

“Sam literally swooped into the DEO and planted one on you in front of J’onn, and you still didn’t think she wanted to date you.  _ With J’onn actively reading her mind. _ ”

Alex flushes red to her hairline, spluttering ineffectively. Kara sighs. “I don’t think I’m really going to have the answers you’re looking for, Lena. I’m sorry. My experience with you is different, and I’m sure it’s going to be different for every Kara Zor-El you meet.” 

“You really shouldn’t be messing around with this kind of technology loosely though,” Alex regains her composure enough to caution, gesturing to the near-empty warehouse behind them. “If something goes sideways, a portal generator of this size could create quite the boom.”

“I have it quantum-shielded, the land surrounding this facility is deserted, and I have a separate generator here to evacuate me to a safe location if abnormal readings are detected,” Lena defends, holding up her wrist to show a watch. “I wanted a fail-safe. In case something dangerous ever came through.”

“But you still understand my point, right? This kind of stuff is really dangerous, and it’s pretty heavily monitored. On  _ multiple _ Earths.” 

“I’m being as careful as is possible. I just...I need to know if it was all fake.”

Kara looks heartbroken, but doesn’t comment. Alex sighs. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Luthor. I don’t think you will, but I still hope that you do.”

“Thank you.” Lena nods, signalling for Hope to re-activate the portal. “I’ll let you head back now. Thank you for your time.”

Kara’s sadness brightens back into a small smile, while Alex sketches a lazy half-salute at her, domino mask flickering back into existence around her eyes. Both Danvers sisters face the glowing portal -- Kara floating, Alex hovering using the green ring on her finger. With a final wave, both move through the portal and wink out of existence.


End file.
